Doot dee doot dee doo Inspector Gadget doot dee doot de doot dum dum OOH OOH. Oh, sorry! We started work on this blog and I found the old theme song on YouTube, and it’s been stuck in my head all week. You probably remember Inspector Gadget as that weird cyborg detective that was a cross between Iron Man and Inspector Clouseau. Apart from an insanely catchy theme song, this show has somehow been around for almost 35 years in one form another. Why am I taking time to talk about a cartoon that premiered during the Reagan administration? Because I’ve been working on my pitch for Inspector Epare for the guys down in the Epare labs. Let’s see what I have so far!
Go Go Gadget Five Blade Scissors!
I imagine that Inspector Epare is the protector of truth, justice, and well seasoned food. That’s where the Epare Five Blade Scissors come in. Apart from getting him out of a bind, he can also use them to cut freshly gardened herbs and spices so that his food is never bland. I don’t know if cyborgs need to eat, but what if he just rescued the President’s daughter and she’s hungry? You can’t have her eat bland food, you know!
Go Go Gadget Powdered Sugar Mill
So, we have the savory covered, right? Why not focus on the sweet! With the Sugar Mill it can do double duty: One, making his fruit salad a little sweeter. Two, he could use it to throw sugar in bad guys eyes! Or sugar a road so that he can skate on it safely! Sugar works as well as salt, right? And maybe he can use the powdered sugar to make a huge cloud and escape! The possibilities are endless! All he has to do is shout “Go Go Epare Sugar Mill” and wham, sweetness.
Go Go Gadget Milk Frother
So Inspector Epare has rocket shoes, a trampoline, a smartphone IN his head (take THAT transhumanist!) and, most importantly, he’s smart enough to know how to save some money. That’s why, hidden where you least expect it, is the epare milk frother - so he can get some coffee, some milk, froth that himself, and laugh as he rockets away at all the fools waiting for their expensive, frothy milk drinks! Who’s got time for Starbucks, he’s got the world and/or the president’s daughter to save.
Go Go Gadget Aerator
Inspector Epare is a fighter for truth, justice, the American way… And also, a lover. Well, as much of a lover as a rocket-propelled, constantly-having-a-pen cyborg powered by cooking tools can be, which I assume is a lot. So, as he’s a lover, he needs to have tools for a romantic evening, like the epare pocket aerator! Can you imagine a more romantic evening than being with a studly cyborg man (I assume he looks like Hugh Jackman) and then he gives your perfectly aerated wine? Clearly, the best use of technology ever.
So, that’s my proposal for Inspector Epare. What tools would you give him? Let us know on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go re-listen to that theme song a couple more times. Doot deet doo do do...
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